Towards the end of 2020, I went through a break up. As far as break ups go, it was pretty wholesome – we were both able to hold the necessity and the sadness of it.
And in the weeks that followed, I also gave myself plenty of space to grieve.
I wept, journaled, air punched, screamed into pillows, wrote poems, danced, slept, hiked up mountains at dawn, lay on my bedroom floor staring at the ceiling, sat at the bottom of the garden surrounded by a kaleidoscope of butterflies …
I kept checking in with what my heart and my body needed in each moment, and I followed – I gave that thing breath.
My only desire was to let the current that was moving through do so until its completion for that given cycle.
And in time, because I didn’t rush anything and had allowed this full space, the soreness eased.
But I also know that these things aren’t tick box exercises – so in recent days, I’ve had some big heart tugs around this again.
I’ve witnessed how my mind has responded (in vein) with rationalisation.
It’s come galloping in on a high horse defiantly exclaiming that “It’s been eight months already (I mean, it could be 800 or 3 – I have no concept of time anymore after 2020) so I absolutely should be completely over him by now especially because of X and Y and A and B and and and …”
I let this go on for a little while until I eventually reminded myself that I can’t think my way out of uncomfy emotions – that even though I’d done all that grieving early on, judging myself for another layer of grief that needed to pass through was just going to keep me (and my body) stuck there for longer.
So, one afternoon, I gave the hot tears and raw heartache what space they were asking for.
And by noon the next day, I was jamming to Lizzo’s Good As Hell (obvs) while making my lunch.
(Lizzo’s lyrics are life always, but they were FULL BODY LIFE because I’d given myself the space to face the sore stuff first.)
I also had no clue that that wave would complete as quickly as it did. But my place isn’t to determine the timeframe. It’s simply to show up in authenticity and acceptance to what’s true for me (mind, body, heart & soul) at that given moment.
And through this, in my eyes, have a fuller and more satisfying experience of life.
While this is all wonderful, what the stuff does it have to do with PCOS?
It doesn’t really – well, not directly anyway.
I mean there is the element of trapped emotions showing up as physical symptoms but I’ll leave that for another day 😉
Because this is actually about circling back to one of the core Marula Wellness philosophies of growing a trusting relationship with your body.
(Given that it’s one relationship that we’re guaranteed of for the rest of our lives, I allow it plenty plus airtime when we journey together – not something that many other practitioners do.)
You see, when women come knocking on my door, they’ve often been dealing with PCOS symptoms for an age.
They’ve tried e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. – diets, exercises, acupuncture, specialist doctors, endless supplements, fancy pants tests etc etc etc.
So couple raging symptoms (despite all their efforts) with information overwhelm and it’s only understandable that their starting point is one of fear and frustration toward their body.
And that’s what we give space for.
I don’t ask that you hop, skip & Tinkerbell your way to a trusting relationship with your body by chucking about a few hollow self-love mantras.
We start by giving space to acknowledge the very real emotions of anger, disappointment, grief and sometimes even disgust, that come up towards your body because of all that your story has been up until that point.
We let those work their way through as often as they need to (and bring in other professionals for additional support as indicated).
Why? Because doing so then creates the way for the acceptance, the friendship, the love, the deep awe with and for your body.
That’s how you grow a truly trusting relationship with your body – by embracing the process, not bypassing it.
Book yourself in for a 30 minute complimentary discovery call by clicking the button below.